After 19 years of waiting...
I met my husband 26 years ago and we didn’t start a relationship until 24 years ago that was in 1988. He came with his friend to my hostel to pick up people for a bachelor’s eve party and he saw me. Fortunately for him the person he came with is like a brother to me and we were introduced. We had a good chat and started talking afterwards. He wanted a relationship immediately but I said no. He remained on my case for 3 years. I remember him always saying a vulture is a patient bird. I eventually got fond of him and we started a relationship.
He told me from day one he had met his wife but I wasn’t sure because I didn’t believe men could make up their minds that easily so I was just waiting to see what will happen at the end. Not all relationships end up in marriage. By 1991 he proposed and I accepted and that was the beginning. We got married April 1993 and that was where the journey of fruitfulness started. I am a Yoruba girl and the general believe is once you get married, kids should follow immediately so we were open to accepting it if it happened immediately. But then from day one I was ministered to that “IN HIS TIME, HE MAKES ALL THINGS BEAUTIFUL”,not having the slightest clue yet that we were going to have a delay.
Luckily I got pregnant immediately afterwards but had a miscarraige and several even after that. After 2 years, we went for medicals. The first doctor said I had a cyst, I was afraid. Thank God for the kind of person I am, I don’t take decisions alone without asking God what he is saying about it. This has been my guiding principle all my life. I sort out another doctor went for a scan and eventually found out I didn’t even have cyst and it was misdiagnosed. The doctor that gave me the second opinion said I should thank God that I didn’t agree to have the cyst removed else they could have tampered with my ovaries making things worse. From that day on, I developed a 2nd opinion approach for doctors. We decided we were young and shouldn’t put ourselves under pressure but to be prayerful and keep enjoying our life.
I remember that in the first month of my marriage God spoke to me in a parable but I didn’t understand what it meant until much later in my marriage.
My doctor told me to run some tests which showed I had hormone imbalance. In my case it was that I had very low progesterone – the female hormone that helps you retain pregnancies, which was why I was having the miscarriages. I was put on drugs but it started having a side effect of increasing my prolactin – which is the hormone that aids lactation in the breast and that would not allow you get pregnant.
I started all over again treating both symptoms on and off and at a point they asked me to go for a procedure to flush out my tubes which turned out to be a very painful experience (HSG). After that procedure I got pregnant and lost it again. Can you imagine? I honestly can’t count how many pregnancies I had and lost. Early in my marriage I was easily getting pregnant and losing it which made me gain a lot of weight. Eventually I realized it was a matter to be sorted out prayerfully – I am a spiritual person and I do believe you have to handle some things medically but I also believe you have to handle some things spiritually.
People often don’t believe that there is a spiritual angle to every situation working against Gods promises for us (not being able to have children) but anyone who has gone through the experience will tell you that there is. And I can categorically tell you that there is even though I didn’t believe it in time.
God was faithful and was always speaking to me, giving me verses to read which kept me going. The first verse God gave me was in 1996 – eyes have not seen nor have ears heard what God has in store for them that love him (1corinthians 2vs 9). Definitely he was aware of all we had gone through and knew what we were still going to go through. When I read that I said God is wonderful and he has great plans for me.
After 5 to 6 years of being married, pressure started mounting and people started to give suggestions of different procedures we could go for like IVF. I was upset because I felt all those medical suggestions were like trying to help God. That was my understanding at that time and the bible says my people perish for lack of knowledge. Knowledge can and will lead to revelation which in turn leads to freedom from snares and a lot of us unknowingly shy away from knowledge. I couldn’t understand how conception could take place outside the body and I was learned but I was so adamant that the way to go about it was the natural way and not with any medical help. So I said no to that medical option.
My husband supported me because he would always say I was at the receiving end and had to be prepared for whatever step we would end up with. I will seize this ample opputunity to thank God for allowing the scriptures- Genesis 2 verses 24-25 to be a reality in our lives and also thank my husband, friend, brother and father (his roles) for his patience, understanding and love. That’s one thing I want to say to single ladies out there, make sure you pray properly before you pick your husband so you pick the right man for you. Once you are in the right relationship everything will work out well when you go through storms.
One of the turning points for me was one day when God asked me if Cesarean Section was a sin and I said no it was an escape for both mother and child. And then God spoke to me that it was the same for the IVF procedure. So I decided to go for an IVF at 39 years and it didn’t work out. I wasn’t happy because we spent a lot of money and nothing happened. The doctors said to try again but then they said since I was over 40 I would be advised to use a donor egg. They explained that although they had collected enough eggs during the first procedure the eggs of older women were hard to penetrate.
I was curious to know where they would get the younger eggs so they explained that young women usually come in to donate their eggs and get paid. Wow! My husband tried to convince me to use a donor egg since the egg would have traits of the features I have. The doctor also tried to convince by asking if I would rather carry an adopted egg or an adopted child (nothing absolutely is wrong with adopting). He said with an adopted egg I get to carry my child but with an adopted child I have no idea who carried the child. I told them I needed some time to think so we went away for another 2 years without doing anything again.
During this period I realized I had fibroid which was as a result of all the fertility drugs (I mean the quantity) I had been using over the years. I started a hectic treatment for fibroid. I made a personal decision not to have an operation to have it removed. This was a personal decision, anyone who wants to have an operation to remove fibroid can go ahead and do that, I don’t have anything against it; I just wasn’t willing to have my body undergo surgery for it until I finish having my kids.
So after 2 years God gave me an illustration that people in the hospital that needed blood where do they get it from, I said blood donors. Then he told me it was the same with the donor eggs and like the people in the hospitals that needed donor blood to survive, I needed the help of the donor eggs to have my baby. God does know how to catch everyone’s attention. But I was still skeptical about using just anyone’s egg. So along the line my junior sister asked me what was going on and what the doctor’s had said. She was concerned and asked if there was anything she could do for me. I gave her a brief of what the doctors had said and then she asked “can’t I give you my own egg?” Wow, I was stunned because I didn’t think she was going to say that. I said no.
She persisted and I told her I didn’t want her eggs because if something happened in the future and we had a quarrel she could always talk back at me and make a referral to the favor she did for me. My sister looked at me and burst into tears, she couldn’t believe I would even think of her that way since we were siblings from the same father and mother. So after a while I told her to let me think about it. Eventually I decided to go ahead with the IVF using her eggs. We decided to travel out of the country to have the procedure done. When we were meant to go, the hospital said we needed to wait for a month because they were on a break. When we were asked to come after they resumed from their break we realized my sister had gotten pregnant. She was so sad and I told her not to worry because it just wasn’t meant to be. So I was back to square one.
I decided to go back to the clinic and just use a donor egg. At the point of starting the procedure the doctor said it seems the fibroid will be a hindrance and that we should go and get the fibroid removed first. I said was okay but I wasn’t going for a surgery. Meanwhile when we got to that hospital the doctor made a statement I would never forget: he said ‘the bible says none shall be barren and God has given us a lot of options to ensure this happens’. I knew God was speaking to me. A lot of people who are waiting for children should realize that God has made many options available to us to use. We must not be rigid because it robs us of our miracle. God has provided a route of escape for every situation.
At this point I just said to myself that I am going to have my baby, if God has so many options one must work for me. You have to figure out which one works for you because the one that works for me may not work for you. So I decided to use herbal drugs to battle with the fibroid (Gen1 vs 29). I have an uncle who is a professor and he prepares this herbal drugs that shrink fibroid. I decided to use this option instead of surgery. My husband wanted us to just do the operation and get it over with, he eventually agreed to me using the herbal drugs. To cut the long story short, while I was treating the fibroid, I conceived my daughter. It wasn’t IVF; it wasn’t anything special it just came naturally, to God be the glory.
Earlier on I said God gave me a parable in the beginning of my marriage which I didn’t understand. In the parable he showed me a tree. The tree was an old tree but it had fruits on it (number concealed). Later in life I realized what God was trying to say, we were going to experience a delay and we were going to have my children when I was older. It took 19 years for us to have our daughter but God has been faithful.
This was how I was able to hold on for 19 years. First of all I was always listening to God and holding on to his word. I had my moments when I would go into my room and cry and call upon God but no matter how down I felt my husband and I made up our minds that people would not see our pain. We were always happy outside so people could not really tell anything was wrong. People couldn’t even approach us to ask questions because we didn’t give room for that. Only a few people were bold enough to ask questions and we just dismissed them saying God is faithful. Even our parents, we told them to leave us alone that God was in charge.
I am a Pastor in my church and the women coordinator and my role demands that I carry babies during the child dedication in church. So 95% of babies dedicated in church I carried, I would always tell God that one day I would dedicate my baby. I could cry in my heart but you would never see it. But honestly it was God that kept us through the whole process. Of course it’s very important that a couple hold themselves together. Some other scriptures that kept me going were Isaiah 8 verse 18. Ezekiel 12 verse 28 and then as the fulfilment time was approaching and very close, came this wonderful scripture that wrapped it all up-I saiah 40 verse 1-5 Halleluyah!
Please endeavour to meditate on this scriptures, I am sure you’ll be blessed. I have a marriage ministry and I always tell people that children are the heritage of the Lord but not a part of the marriage. A marriage is between a man and his wife which is why most churches will not join you together in marriage when you are pregnant. I just got to understand why. So once you decide you want a happy home and cling to your husband, children will follow automatically because the scriptures must be fulfiled. My phone is open to anyone that wants to talk and I’ll be happy to counsel you on +234 8126279100,or send me a mail on firstname.lastname@example.org
Patience is a must; if you want to walk with God you must have patience. The voice of God is very powerful. If God speaks to you, your life will be easier. The voice of the Lord was and is and will continue to be my anchor, Psalms 29 verse 4) but try and read it up to verse 11 so you can have a clearer picture . Be blessed, SHALOM.Story written by Tosin Ola