Spotlight on Funke Raji (2)

A Story of Trial and Triumph (2)

 

Do you know how it feels when you lose a baby? You have this bad insatiable urge to want to get pregnant as soon as possible, like the next day. So we started to try again. We couldn’t even bear to wait till my stitches were sealed before we started to try. Of course that was very uncomfortable to do, so we managed to wait till I could handle sex again.

And we were at it like rabbits in the house. Every day, not even a single day went by without us doing it. And each day I walked into the Nursery and I saw the Barbie wallpapers and Winnie the Pooh stickers, a little piece of my heart broke off. There were baby things everywhere in the nursery. Ola tried to hide everything before I could see them but he couldn’t get them all. All I had to do was open the wardrobe in the nursery and there they were. Diapers, Wipes, baby baths, swing, highchair, box of clothes and I would just break down and cry all over again. We were going to name her Oluwatobiloba Akilah. She was so pretty and cute. Why on earth did she go? Was it because I was a little bit sad when the doctor told me it was going to be a girl when what we wanted was a boy? Was it because I lost track of everything and stopped praying? My husband couldn’t get past the pain of signing a death certificate of his very first child. Who would want that? After 40 weeks and 2 days of waiting and expecting and planning our lives in anticipation of the wonderful bundle of joy and what did he get? He got to sign a death certificate and consent form for the burial of his baby. Crap!

I had been diagnosed of (PCOS) PolyCystic Ovarian Syndrome earlier so tracking ovulation for another baby was out of the question. I wasn’t menstruating for a long time; in fact I only saw my period whenever I induced it. I was on medications that gave me cramps; I even had to take fertility injections at some point. And I was on a very strict diet and exercise regime. I was a regular face in the hospital until four months later, I gave up and redirected to the church. I became a regular face in church programmes; the divine encounter programme, Faithful women prayer sessions and night vigils.

And I will not forget my parents, being who they are; they kept on calling me to come home for some special cleansing and deliverance prayers. My mum even asked me once if we were sure we were doing "IT" right. I mean, come on! We must have done it right the first time or I wouldn’t have been pregnant. And all my friends who attended my wedding as Spinsters started to call, and send text messages about how they now have a bouncing baby this or that. It was so depressing.  

I had prayer sessions with different pastors. At a point, I visited a woman masseuse who from recommendations was very talented with massaging disorders blocking women from conceiving. I drank enough herbs. The herbs!  My  God! The herbs! They were so bitter and unpleasant to taste that I puked immediately after taking them. I tried everything but nothing seemed to work. There were days that I would be home alone and I would just feel sadness come over me; like an emptiness that couldn’t be explained. Some people just sneeze and they get pregnant, and I couldn’t get pregnant to save my life. Many times I would call my husband to please show me where he hid my baby’s pictures so I could look at her one more time. I was beginning to forget I ever had a baby, because I was beginning to believe that I could never conceive again. So seeing her pictures again was going to remind me that I can, I have and that I will again.

One day I was in the clinic as usual and apparently I came on a day that ante natal classes were going on. My eyes were about to water up in tears as I was seeing women like myself rolling about in all their heaviness, and then it seemed like someone spoke into my ears. I heard “be still and know that I AM GOD”.  And that was the end of my troubles. This was eight months after Tobi. Eight months of fighting, praying, expecting, fasting, hoping, and wishing. I never for once gave God a chance to answer me. I just kept on going like a raging bull.

Since I heard those words, things became different for me. I prayed and then I waited. There was a night I woke up from a dream and I was singing:

Ope meta lemi o se  (I will give three types of praise)

Ope meta lemi o se (I will give three types of praise)

Moru layo (I carried my pregnancy with joy)

Mo so layo (I delivered my baby with joy)

Motun romo gbejo (I carried my baby and danced with joy)

Ope meta lemi ose (I will give three types of praise)

And it became my regular song. I stopped all the medications, the herbs and I focused on what God was telling me. He told me to wait and wait I did. Two months after, I was going to see my supervisor regarding my project work and I passed in front of a pharmacy. I went in to get Vitamin C and something said, “You’ve not done a pregnancy test in such a long time, why don’t you buy one or two home kits and use it? Who knows? You may have conceived”. I had been living positively in the past few months and I wasn’t ready for any negative test results to weigh me down. I shrugged the voice aside and went on my own. Some days later I passed the pharmacy again and my spirit just kept on telling me to stop and get the pregnancy test. Again and again and again until I turned around, made my way back to the pharmacy and bought the test strips.

I forgot to use the test strips that night but the next day I did and yes they were two lines on the strip. Two lines meant positive, which meant I was pregnant. I quickly tore out one more test strip and repeated the process, still positive. So I tore open two more and did the tests four times there and then and they all came out positive. I sat down on the floor of the bathroom and started to shed tears. I sat staring at the test strips for a long time. I couldn’t believe my eyes, I was shedding tears and my whole body was shaking uncontrollably.

Being the human that I am, I still had some doubts, so I searched the Internet looking for a reason why a woman who isn’t pregnant would be positive to a pregnancy test, four pregnancy tests. I got a lot of information about how some women who are on fertility drugs test positive to pregnancy when in fact they are not. Immediately, something whispered in my ears, “It is over, I have done it.” When my husband got back home that evening, I just threw the four test strips at him. He literally couldn’t speak for a while. He just kept on gesticulating and shaking and sweating all at once. He pointed at my tummy, in a way such that he was asking if there was a baby there and I nodded. That was one of the greatest moments of our lives together. We confirmed it at the doctor’s the next day that I was 12 weeks along. Imagine? It dated right back to when I heard God speak to me the first time in the clinic. This God! How mighty thou art! We knelt down and praised God together, we danced and hugged and screamed and that night the song that came to me in the dream was:

O ti mumi gbagbe o baba  (God you have made me forget)

Ibanuje igba kan (The sorrows of the past)

O ti mumi gbagbe o baba  (God you have made me forget)

Ibanuje igba kan (The sorrows of the past)

Ase were ni se Oluwa (God works in swift ways)

Oba timo pe ton je (The God I called on and he answered)

Ase were ni se Oluwa (God works in swift ways)

Oba timo pe ton je (The God I called on and he answered)

 

Of course we were very scared at first; we didn’t know what happened to the first baby, who’s to say it won’t happen to this one. We were so stealth about it, we didn’t tell any of our parents, siblings, and friends till they saw it themselves.  Then the anxiety attacks started, I would wake up with my heart racing and beating really fast, like I had been running. I would quickly grab my Bible, place it on my stomach and these were the two bible references that became my slogan.

“Affliction shall not rise a second time”. Nahum 1:9

“The blessings of the Lord makes rich and added no sorrow”. Proverbs 10:22

I was healthy all through the pregnancy, I had no issues, my doctors watched me like a hawk but I knew God had my back. And on the 9^th of May, 2012 Iremide Nina came into our world. I have learnt to believe that it is not the baby we lost that came back to us but another baby entirely. I was advised to do a CS when the pregnancy reached 38 weeks as a safety measure but baby came on her own. Labor wasn’t fun, but it was quick and at the end of the birthing, she was placed in my arms and she wrapped her fingers around mine. She had her eyes opened too, they were big and bright. See what I missed the first time.

Today she is eight months old, she is full of grace, basking in the glory of God and growing stronger and bigger and healthier every day. God has made it possible for me to be called a mother of someone. Though from time to time, I still remember my little princess and sometimes I shed a tear or two, but I take a look at our little angel from heaven and smile. Truly, the blessings of the Lord makes rich and adds no sorrow. Now I can sing and I can dance again. God has given me a reason to be happy again. I was lost, sad and couldn’t find my way but The Lord made a way for me where there seemed to be no way.

No matter the trials that may come your way in life, and surely, trials will always come. They cannot conquer you. At least not until you try to do it yourself, and then you find out later on that you just have to let go and let God fight for you in his way and in his time. For everyone out there who is in one sort of problem or the other, at first it may seem really hard, almost impossible to see any headway, but stop. Take a break and a deep breath and let God do the rest.

Click to read the first part of this story

Written by Funke Raji